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He Just Does Not Understand Me And Why Relationships Go Sour

He Just Does Not Understand Me And Why Relationships Go Sour

I don't know how many relationships go up in flames mainly  because
one partner or both don't feel understood.

Each person struggles and fights to get their partner just to understand
them.
 
So, what is the solution to the problem? Fix that problem and keep your
relationship running smoothly is to do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you
feel like doing.
 
That means first YOU need to understand the OTHER PERSON.
Even better than that is to SHOW your partner that you understand.
 
This is how to begin:

I learned this from a retired cop, actually...
 
He called it a "strip phrase" and he said he's used
it successfully in various situations from talking
down suicide attempts to getting some hardened criminals
to give themselves up.
 
and this is how it goes...
 
"Let me see if I understand what you are saying?"
 
and then he paraphrased what he felt was THEIR position.
 
What happens next is invariably that the person LISTENED and
then opened up to either correct or agree with what
he paraphrased back.
 
So, you try to do the same thing until you can visibly see that
the OTHER person feels understood.
 
After that...
 
Many times... amazing things start to happen.
 
Once your partner feels understood, then they try to understand
YOUR position.
 
Which allows you both to FIND COMMON GROUND - that precious place
where you can work out a solution together.

 
Here's how a common everyday example:
 
********************************
Dinner plans that lead to divorce hell?
********************************
 
Carrie: "Why don't we go to that
cozy, new Italian restaurant tonight?"
 
John: "No, I want some Buster's BBQ tonight."
 
Carrie: " Bluck...We just ate BBQ ribs!"
 
John: "That was last week...I don't want to go
to some fancy pants restaurant."
 
Carrie:"FINE! We never go anyplace I like ... or have ANY romance anymore."
 
John: "Oh geez...not this again! Aren't you ever happy?"
 
(and the rest of this conversation goes to hell in a hand basket.)
 
*******************
The happy turn around:
*******************
 
Carrie: "Why don't we go to that cozy, new Italian restaurant
tonight?"
 
John: "Cozy and new, huh? Sounds like you are in the mood for something
new? or maybe you're looking for some peace and quiet?"
 
Carrie: "Actually...I'm just in the mood to have a nice meal with some quiet
conversation with you."
 
John: "Having a quiet conversation sounds really nice. As a matter of fact, I've been
really stressed about our finances lately and could use a nice cozy evening with you...
I'm just a little just nervous how much our dinner would set us back?"
 
Carrie: "Oh, I'm sorry you're stressed...maybe we could eat at Italian Villa...
it's quiet and we know the prices won't break us."
 
John: "You're wonderful...Italian Villa it is! I promise after we get our tax
return back I'll wine you and dine you like you deserve."

Which one would you like to try?